Married 9 Years
As of 11:05 AM today I’ll have been married to Kiara for 9 years! We’ve been together for about 10 years, and we’ve known each other for about 13 years.
We originally met on a MUD called The Edge of Darkness back in 1994. She was playing a mage named “Jade” that worked for a mercenary guild full of black hearts, deep purses, and very few scruples. I was playing a paladin named (you guessed it) Beosig that was the First Sword in The Order of Justice. Needless to say, we didn’t get along all that well.
My roommate was playing a bard named Thain, and he joined Jade and crew as a mercenary. My roommate eventually stopped playing, and I took over Thain. Eventually the mercenary guild and the Order of Justice went the way of the do-do, and I recreated Beosig as a warrior because I was tired of being the guy that just hunted down killers and thieves.
About this time, Kiara started a new character named Crystal that was a cleric. Well, clerics need warriors, and warriors need clerics. Except for unlocking the occasional door, a cleric and a warrior together can handle just about anything. Crystal and I were a team to be reckoned with. We went everywhere together, and we took on pretty much everything in the world. It was great!
Also about this time a friend of ours started a new guild called the “Society of Honor and Valor” or something like that (I know for sure it had “Honor and Valor” in there somewhere.) We joined up with a good sized group of people that really just wanted to group, kill things, run around, and not cause trouble.
Someone else on the MUD decided that we needed an enemy and started an evil guild just for the express purpose of killing our members. This totally ruined the game for me. You could no longer take risks and go after the really hard mobs on the MUD because the other guild would stalk you until you were weakened from a tough fight, and take you out. You’d end up losing all of your gear, and, as a warrior, this pretty much meant that you were now powerless.
It was about this time that I decided to start my own MUD. This was February of 1996. I invited Kiara and another friend to join me in this venture, and we had a grand time writing bugs (me), finding bugs (Kiara), coming up with new ideas (all three of us), and fixing bugs (me.) We were splitting our time between The Edge of Darkness and Spear of Insanity, and having a good time doing it.
One night (I wish I could remember the exact date,) Kiara logged out of Spear of Insanity, and told me that she was heading over to Edge of Darkness to play. When she logged out, I felt a profound sense of emptiness. That’s when I realized that I had feelings for her that went beyond friendship, which was weird. I knew her. I knew her quite well. We had spent hours on Edge of Darkness talking about personal stuff while waiting for zones to reset. That night I realized that I wanted to meet her, and see if we could get along outside the digital worlds that we hung out in.
That’s when I asked for her phone number. She willingly gave it to me, and that started our almost nightly phone calls back and forth for a week or two. That’s when I decided that I wanted to meet her in person, and I got a plane ticket to fly from San Antonio, TX, to Great Falls, MT to meet her. I also decided that I truly did love her, and that I wanted to get her a ring. Not an engagement ring, but a ring with some sort of diamond on it. I could only afford about $100 on the ring, and it’s one of the most pathetic diamonds that you’ll ever find. Despite that, Kiara still wears the ring everyday, which makes me most happy.
I flew up to Montana for a long weekend, and we spent most of the time her small one-room apartment just hanging out, talking, and watching movies. She took me out to the nearby mountains where there was a waterfall, and that’s where I gave her the ring. She was very shocked, and I quickly realized what she was thinking. I quickly told her that it wasn’t an engagement ring, but just a symbol of my love for her.
When the weekend was over, I was heartbroken to have to leave her, but I knew that I would be returning to Montana soon. I had already decided to move up there to be with Kiara. A long month passed in which we both racked up $300 phone bills with all of the phone calls, but the time came for me to move to Montana. Everyone, including my mother, thought I was crazy for picking up and moving across the country for someone that I had only met once. Everyone, especially my step-father, was very supportive, and wished me the best.
Kiara flew into Dallas, and I picked her up there. We drove to Fort Worth, and spent the weekend at a party for Edge of Darkness players. We got to meet tons of people that we had known for years online. It was a great experience, and it was the first time Kiara and I had done anything like that. We had a blast while there, but it was over too quickly. While there, I had some car trouble, but some Edgers were kind enough to loan me the $300 that it took to fix my car. It took a few years, but we finally got stable enough financially to pay them back.
Kiara and I drove back down to San Antonio where she met my folks, and we hung out for several days. My mom was sad the whole time because she knew that I was leaving home. She had a feeling that it was for good, and she was right. I wasn’t 100% sure about it myself, but I was going to give it a shot. I packed up all of my stuff in my Corsica, and we started the long drive to Montana.
We stopped off for a few days in Midland, and I ran Kiara ragged around town meeting all of my friends, my family, and saying goodbye to everyone. My grandmother was concerned for me, but my grandfather knew that it was something that I had to do. He even gave me some cash for me to live on until I landed a job. It’s a good thing, too. The money barely lasted me until I got my first paycheck.
On the road from Texas to Montana, we stopped off in Colorado Springs (which is where we ended up living) to meet some more Edgers (including some of the gods!) and hung out for a few days. It was a good time, but it was also too short. We had to get to Montana in time for Kiara to get back to work.
The longest drive of my life was from Colorado Springs, CO to Great Falls, MT. It took a little over 14 hours, and the last several hours of that was through some very horrible weather. I was exhausted, bedraggled, and not looking my best when we pulled into Kiara’s folk’s house. I met my future in-laws for the first time, and I was too tired to try to impress them. My future father-in-law was very understanding, and told me that we could get to know each other the next day. I stumbled downstairs to their guest bedroom, and slept the sleep of the dead.
The next day, we got up, ate some breakfast, and then headed over to a miniature family reunion at Kiara’s grandmother’s house. I got to meet aunts, uncles, grandparents, and all sorts of people. I was on full inspection alert. Kiara was their golden girl, and I was the stranger from Texas that she met online. I was told later on that I did quite well on my first day with my future family. Kiara’s aunt even told everyone else (after we had left) that she knew for certain that Kiara and I were going to get married.
We ended up in Havre, MT where Kiara was going to college. I had arranged for an apartment of my own in the same building that Kiara was living in, and I unpacked there. We spent the next couple of months “living apart”, but spending every waking moment together. After a few months, I asked Kiara if it would be ok if we moved in together in order to save money. I was hardly at my apartment, and it didn’t make much sense to be paying rent on a place that I was only using to store my clothes, and books. She was obviously nervous at this proposition, but she agreed to it.
We lived together for about a month when I decided that I was going to ask her to marry me. On July 4th, 1997, I cajoled Kiara into taking us out to the waterfall where I had given her the tiny diamond ring earlier in the year. When we got there, we hung out, climbed on some rocks, and finally Kiara wanted to leave. I was going to ask her to marry me while at the waterfall, but I couldn’t get up the nerve. Finally, before we left, I decided that it was now or never. I got down on one knee and asked her to marry me. I felt bad because I didn’t have a ring, but I was more concerned about Kiara when I asked her. It looked like she was going to pass out. She kind of stood there for a moment, swayed back and forth, and looked a little pale. I had totally caught her off guard. After what felt like forever, she finally smiled at me, and simply said, “Yes.”
When we got home, we turned on the TV to find the news that Mars Pathfinder had successfully landed on Mars, and was sending back images from the surface of Mars. It was the first time that we had full color images of Mars from the surface, and it was a great day for astronomy. Somehow NASA’s and the JPL’s accomplishments echoed how I felt. We decided to go watch some fireworks, and we spent the night in each other’s arms watching the beautiful fireworks displays. It was the perfect end to a perfect day.
The next weekend we broke the news to Kiara’s family that we were getting married. We had already picked March 15th as the day because that was the first day of Kiara’s spring break, and that was pretty much the only time that we could do it unless we waited until the next summer when she graduated. Kiara’s mom was in a tizzy about flowers, preachers, churches, tuxes, dresses, invitations, guest lists, catering, etc., etc., etc. We had to slow her down, and we told her that we had eight months to figure this all out. We had already bought some books with information and checklists in them on how to arrange a wedding.
The next eight months was full of drives from Havre (where we lived) to Great Falls (where we were getting married) which takes about 2 1/2 hours one way. When I would get off work at 5, we would get on the road right away, drive to Great Falls, meet with a florist/caterer/priest/tux shop/dress shop/church. After the meeting, we would get back on the road, and get home around 11 PM. We’d do this 2-3 times a week until it was all planned out. We spent most of our weekends in Great Falls because we could get so much done during the day.
It may sound like the eight months dragged on, but we were so busy that we hardly noticed the time fly. Kiara was going to school (her senior year), and I was working full time as tech support for one of the two ISPs in town. Before we knew it, it was time to get married.
The wedding started at 11:00 AM, and ended at 11:05 AM. That’s how weddings should be. Of course, we had the reception afterwards that lasted several hours, but that was fine. I got to meet tons of Kiara’s family, and we had a good time.
The next day, we hopped on a bus (should have taken the plane, but oh well) to go from Great Falls, MT to Midland, TX. It took 2 1/2 days to make the trip, and we encountered all sorts of sketchy people along the way. I would suggest to everyone that they take at least one long bus ride during their life because it’s a great growing experience. I’m just glad that I’m not one of the people that must rely upon buses to get across country on a regular basis.
We had a reception for my family in Midland, and all of my family and friends were there. There were people from all over Texas there. It was a great reason to get together and have a good time. I was so happy to see so many of my relatives, and I think Kiara enjoyed it as well because she knew some of my friends already. She had someone to talk to while I made the rounds to all of the various family members. She even got to meet my Aunt Melba, who is, by far, the most interesting and enthusiastic member of my family.
After the reception (and a few days) in Texas, we hopped back on the bus, and spent another 2 1/2 days riding back to Montana. While passing through Colorado Springs on the bus, I looked around the city and decided that I liked what I saw. At that point, I decided that Kiara and I would move to Colorado Springs after she graduated. We hadn’t talked about it, and I didn’t tell her about my decision until much later.
The last couple of months of us living in Montana was made up of Kiara doing tons of homework, me cooking quite a bit (a shocker, I know!), the rare trip to Great Falls on the weekend, me working at an ISP, and enjoying Tuesdays. Tuesdays were our most expensive nights out on the town. We would hit a small Mexican shop that had “Taco Tuesdays” where you could get 2 tacos for $0.49. We’d usually load up on 8-10 tacos. Also, our favorite movie rental place had movies for $0.49 on Tuesdays. We’d get a movie or two to go with our tacos. We’d end up spending about $5 for a night of food and entertainment, and that was about all we could afford. Man, how times have changed.
As Kiara neared graduation, I started breaching the topic about where we were going to move to once she was done with school. Havre (population 8,000) offered no future for either of us, and we knew that we had to get out of there. Great Falls was a little better, but I had enough of Montana winters after just one of them. I told Kiara that I wanted to move someplace that was about halfway between her hometown and my hometown. She agreed to that idea, and I already knew that Colorado Springs would be the place. To make it fair, we got a map of the U.S., and we started marking cities. The only two that we would consider, and that met the equidistant requirement were Colorado Springs, and Kansas City. We started researching both cities in terms of employment, cost of living, crime rate, weather, entertainment, etc. Both cities were fairly close, but the two most important factors that we had were Kansas City’s higher violent crime rate, and the fact that we already knew people in Colorado Springs. We decided on Colorado Springs, and I’m glad that we did.
After Kiara graduated, we moved to Colorado Springs. We had arranged for an apartment, sight unseen. We had put $100 down on the apartment, and we got there, we found that it was a total rat-hole. We decided to make a go of it for a few months, and then move to a better place once we had jobs and some money. That first night, we heard gunfire in the apartment complex. After things settled down, I looked out the window and noticed several police officers standing around, so I went outside to talk to them. I asked them what was going on, and one of them told me that there had been a shooting. They thought that it was either drug or gang related. I immediately decided that we weren’t going to stay there, and I asked the police officers what neighborhood we should look to move to to stay safe. He told me to look to the north end of town (we were on the south end of town.)
There was an apartment that we had found that we liked better, but we passed on it because they didn’t allow ferrets. We had two ferrets, so we had to pass on the better apartment. This lead us to the rat-hole that we were in. We decided that it would be best to move to the better apartment, and not tell them that we had ferrets. The next day we had arranged for an apartment in the better location, but it would not be ready for 2-3 days. We got a hotel room down the street from the apartment, and lived there for a few days.
We finally got our apartment, got unloaded, and took the U-Haul back. Oi! That bill was high. Between the days of packing it, the 2 days of driving, the day at the rat-hole, the 3 days at the hotel, and the 2 days of unpacking, we racked up quite a bill. We had saved up money for moving, but this pretty much tapped our reserves. Also, since neither of us had a job, the apartment wanted the first three month’s rent up-front. That was reasonable, and we had the money in the bank account. We were able to get established in Colorado Springs, but we were pretty much flat broke by the time we got settled in.
About a month later Kiara and I both landed full-time jobs, and the money started pouring. Neither of us had made this much money individually before, and now our incomes were combined! We dug ourselves out of our financial hole fairly quickly, and life was very good.
We lived in that apartment for about a year before we decided to buy a house. It didn’t take long to find the one we liked, close on it, and move in. That was July of 1999. We lived in that house until July of 2006 when we bought a larger house with more land out in the country. The years between 1999 and 2006 were up and down, but they were mostly up. Kiara held a steady job, which allowed me to chase job after job after job. Most of the time, when I would change jobs it was for the better. This was the rule, but there were exceptions. I would quickly run away from the poor jobs in search of a better one.
The last 9 years (10 if you count the pre-marriage ones) of my life have been the best that I’ve ever had, and it’s made me wonder what the next decade will bring. I guess I’ll just have to stay on the road of life, and see where it takes me.
