Car Odditities
I’ve gone through my fair share of cars in the past. I won’t try to list them all here, but here are some odd things that I’ve had about the various vehicles that I’ve owned…
1) 1967 Chevy Step-side Short-bed Truck: The bed was wooden. Yep. That’s just how they made them back then. By the time I got my hands on the truck in 1988, the bed was mostly rotted away. I didn’t think much of it because I rarely put anything in the truck. One day, my friend, The Mad Scientist, needed a lift to get new tires put on his bicycle. He was the same age as I was, but his father wouldn’t let him drive until he was 18. Poor bastard. Anyway, The Mad Scientist threw his bike into the bed of the truck, and it fell right through! We noticed right away that something was amiss. The Mad Scientist fished his bicycle out from between the metal slats that held the rotting wood in place, and gently placed it on its side in the bed of the truck. Later that day, we bought a sheet of 3/4″ plywood, and cut it to size to fill the bed of the truck.
2) 1985 Dodge Diplomat: This car was bought at a county auction, and it was at one time an unmarked police car. There was a bullet hole on the passenger side between the front and rear doors. The only way the hole could have gotten there was if the rear door was open, and someone was standing half-in and half-out of the car while firing a gun. I bet it was a cop that did it. The fun didn’t stop there. The rear window roller handles were missing, and the one for the front passenger door was loose in the car. To roll down the windows, you had to hand around the handle. Once again, there was more fun to be had. The mount for the rear-view mirror was in good shape, but the mirror slid loose from the mount quite easily. Fortunately, it had to slide up and out. Not easy for gravity to do on its own. Even more fun was the fact that you could take the keys out of the ignition while the engine was running! After discovering all of these quirks, I started dating a new girl. I don’t remember why, but she was in the back seat with my friend. She asked to roll down the window, so I handed her the roller. She got a good laugh out of it. I asked her if she wanted my rear view mirror. She thought I was joking, but went along with it. After handing her my mirror, I asked if she wanted the keys to the car. She exclaimed, “Not while you’re driving!” I laughed, pulled the keys from the ignition, and tossed them back to her in the back seat. We all got a good laugh out of it. Ahhhh… Good times.
3) 1980 Chevrolet Citation: This was the worst three cars that I’ve ever driven. Yep, three cars in one. No, it’s not a Transformer. My grandfather (for some unknown reason) bought three Citations at a city auction (Yes, he loved auctions.) None of the three of them ran, but after a few weeks, he had cobbled together a single car that would run from parts of the three of them. The original car was an automatic, but the transaxle was shot. We replaced it with a standard transaxle, and ran the linkage from the floorboard. However, we left the gearshift on the column for the automatic in place. A good friend of mine, Bulge, was one of the most gullible people that I’ve met, and he was very car-stupid to boot. We were driving around town one night, and he noticed the two gear shifts. When he asked me about them, I told him, “I have two transmissions. If one gives out, I can crawl under my car and pull this big lever. It’ll put the backup transmission into place.” You should have seen the look on his face. It must have been how the second caveman looked at the first caveman that invented the wheel. It was hilarious! Ahhhh… Good times…
4) 1973 Dodge Dart: This is the second most crappiest car that I’ve ever driven. I could only drive in cold weather, which doesn’t happen all that often in West Texas. If the car heated up too much, it would stop running right on the spot and not start up again until it cooled down. I did most of my driving in the wee hours of the morning because that was the only time that I could get the car to go. At a family reunion, I was, of course, having car troubles. I was screaming, kicking the car, cussing, and right on the verge of tears with frustration. My uncles came to my rescue. All but one of my six uncles are mechanics, or serious car enthusiasts. They all had their tools with them even though some of them were hundreds of miles from home. They told me to step back and hand them stuff when they needed it. Within a few hours they had replaced pretty much every wearable part on the engine, tuned it up, given it a lube job, rebuilt the carburetor, and gotten the car running in top-top shape. It was amazing to watch them go to town on the car. With their help, I was back on the road again. The car lasted me another 2 years with no problems until the transmission went out.
5) 1980 Chevy Citation: Yep, back to the Citation. This is one of my better memories of high school. My senior year, me and all of my friends would eat lunch together every day. For some reason, we decided to go to Little Ceaser’s every Wednesday for lunch. I was the only one with a car, and I refused to leave anyone out of the lunch plans. We piled 11 people in my Chevy Citation, and drive halfway across town to Little Ceaser’s. I first time in, they asked for a name. We all looked at each other, and without speaking a word to eat other, we all blurted out our names to the poor cashier. She didn’t know how to handle it. V.V. (pronounced Der Fou Fou) stepped up and said, “Just use my name, ‘Sid.’” The cashier asked for a last initial. V.V. gave ‘V’ (for Sid Vicious). To this day, when a cashier asks for my name, I surrender to the urge and give them “Sid V.” as my name. Ahhhh… Good times.
