Fear
I had a conversation a while back with Jhianna where she asked me if I was ever afraid of anything. I’m not sure how we got on the topic, but it wasn’t a question out of the blue. My response to her was, “I try not to be.” I’m sure there are plenty of things out there to fear, but I do my best not to let that fear overcome my senses and reflexes to the point where I won’t react to the danger or fearful object.
You see, when I was a child, I was afraid of everything. I was afraid of my mother (no longer the case, she’s a great woman now!), my father, my mom’s boyfriends, my dad’s friends, my mom’s friends, my parents’ lifestyle choices (lots of drugs and booze, but that’s in the past.) I spent most of my childhood trying to figure out how to not be noticed. I would hide in corners, behind couches, under beds. I would basically go everywhere with a book and a flashlight. I would find the darkest, most secluded spot that I could find, and I would use my flashlight to read my book. When I was discovered, people would ask, “What you doing back there, kid!?” I would hold up my book and meekly reply, “Just reading.” That seemed to satisfy their desire to make sure that I wasn’t up to no good.
I’ve had enough fear in my life to… well…. last a lifetime. No more. I’m much more confident in my adulthood than I ever was during my childhood. I’m not afraid to try new things, read new books, make new friends, or pick up new hobbies. I approach every situation with confidence, and I hope that it shows. I’ve always hopped from job-to-job (but I hope to stop doing that with my current job choice,) but I’ve never worried about where I’m going to get my next job. I know that I have skills that are wanted out there in the world, it’s just a matter of finding that person out there that wants to pay me to use my skills.
Jhianna quoted to me from another chat window of hers, “Beosig protects me from all.” I told her, yep, that’s me, “Beosig the Protector.” She asked if she minded me having such a title. I told her that I didn’t mind at all. I’m here for my friends, and if that means protecting them from the dangers of the world, then I’m there for them. When I’m out with a crowd of people, I’m always on the lookout for their safety. Since I’m part of the group, I also look out for my safety as well because if something happened to me, who would protect everyone else?
When it comes to physical confrontations, I’m secure enough in my abilities to get out of a fight in better shape then my adversary. The only exception to this is if someone has a gun. A gun is a hugely unfair advantage in a fight, and I’ll always back away from a gun. Barring a firearm, I’ll stand up to anyone. They can have a knife, stick, baseball bat, sword, club, or just about any other weapon, and I’ll take them on if it comes down to it.
One of the more interesting (and fun!) times that I had as a protector was at an SCA event back in Andrews, TX. It was the end of the event, and we all wanted some hot pizza. We hit the only local pizza place, and pretty much took over the joint. There was a booth or two with families, a booth with some cowboys, and then the rest of us in the pizza place.
The booth of cowboys kept harassing the waitress in inappropriate ways. They were grabbing her ass, reaching for her breasts, and talking rude to her. I got tired of this, and pulled her aside to ask if she needed any help with the cowboys. Her response was, “Don’t worry. They’re always this way.” I told her that just because it was a habit, that it wasn’t acceptable behavior, and that if she wanted help making them back down, all she had to do was call out “Champion!” loudly, and we’d help out.
About 20 minutes later, she had enough of the cowboys, and decided to call for help. She stepped away from the table, and called out in a loud and clear voice, “Champion!” Heh. What happened next was great. Every SCA fighter (about 20 guys), and half the women (about 10 of them) instantly dropped what they were doing, stopped talking, put down their pizza, and stood up. We all looked her way, but it was the looks on the cowboys’ faces that was the best. They realized that they had just crossed a line, and there was no going back.
The baron that lead the SCA event asked everyone to please sit down, and he went over to talk to the cowboys. We were all very quiet so that we could hear his words. He quietly told the young men that respect towards women was paramount to their honor, and that if they had one ounce of respect for themselves, then they would respect others as well. If respect wasn’t instantly shown towards everyone in the restaurant, then there would be a price to pay. The baron sat down, and a few moments later, one of the cowboys headed to the waitress, and apologized to her for their actions. He said that it would never happen again.
It was a good time, and a good lesson learned by the young men in the restaurant. To this day, I keep an ear open for a lady in need of assistance, and when I hear the call, I always answer without hesitation.
